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Marriage Communication Meetings

Introduction

Millions of couples have found it very helpful to schedule meetings to discuss the status of their marriage. It is also a great time to share feelings. 

The Meeting

• The meetings shall occur at least monthly. If the marriage currently has "issues" and needs some attention, a weekly, or even daily, schedule may be very appropriate.
• The time, or at least date, should be fixed firmly. Do not let other things easily "bump" this item from the schedule. 
• The time is for you and your spouse only. Kids, TV, computers, phones, and other distractions shall be severely limited. 
• The location shall be a mostly neutral spot, or positive for both people. 
• The place shall be private with minimal chance of children or neighbors hearing the conversation. 
• It will be beneficial if it is a time when both spouses are alert, usually in a good mood, and sober. 

Activities

• Compliment and encourage progress and good efforts.
• Express appreciation.
• Be sincere and truthful.
• Listen respectfully.
• Preface statements with "I feel..." whenever possible.
• Try to avoid judgments and accusations.
• Strive for understanding.
• Clarify statements. 
• Avoid assumptions. Clarify the issues if necessary. 
• Share feelings more than thoughts and opinions.
• Listen first.
• Brainstorm for solutions second.
• Agree on a "win-win" solution third.

And, if you find you have "extra" scheduled time without interruptions, you may be able to find something else to do with your time together. No matter what happens, this scheduled time is for the benefit of the marriage. It is important. Make it a priority.

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The article on monitoring low fuel has more information on the need for these meetings.