Each of us has a favorite language for receiving (and perceiving) love. It is very likely that your primary language is different from your spouse's. And therein lies the importance of understanding these languages.

Like emotional needs, we often place our efforts into the language we best understand and appreciate. Our efforts may be unappreciated and inefficient as we focus our attention to the wrong things. We need to understand our spouse's preferred language and put our efforts in that direction.

In many cases, we try very hard to please our spouse. If our effort is not in their preferred love language(s), we may feel unappreciated. That can be very frustrating. Eventually we may feel like giving up.

At the same time, our partner may not be speaking our language. So we do not feel loved. So we become frustrated on the giving and receiving ends. Then marriage becomes something to be endured rather than enjoyed.

Understanding our spouse's primary and preferred love language will help them feel loved. Helping them understand our preferred love language will improve the odds, but not guarantee, that we will feel loved. When all speak their spouses' love language, marriages are satisfying and people truly feel loved.

For further reading:
The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman, Northfield Publishing

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